


A man of outstanding Beauty

by Zimraphel



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody, VERY reliable, an instruction to fan-artists, changing beauty standards, please use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 05:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30118002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zimraphel/pseuds/Zimraphel
Summary: Well-formed Maitimo is a popular subject among artists up to this day; to my great regret, beauty standards have changed repeatedly over the Ages, proving once more the inconstancy of Man. This, along with the paucity of features mentioned beyond his great height and flaming red hair, leaves much of his vaunted appearance up to speculation.Thankfully I, your local archaeologist, have recently unearthed a fragment from the Library of Tirion describing the Prince’s physical appearance in greater detail. Here is an excerpt of my own translation of the long lost Lesser Chronicles of Valinor, for your perusal, and the artist’s education...
Comments: 27
Kudos: 22





	A man of outstanding Beauty

Well-formed Maitimo is a popular subject among artists up to this day; to my great regret, beauty standards have changed repeatedly over the Ages, proving once more the inconstancy of Man. This, along with the paucity of features mentioned beyond his great height and flaming red hair, leaves much of his vaunted appearance up to speculation.  
  
Lack of description in reliable written sources is further complicated by the many anti-Fëanorian mosaic cartoons that were recovered from the ruins of Gondolin’s bathhouses. These often depict a long-legged, square-jawed, overly well-endowed nude male subject; while taken for truthful depictions of the last heirs of Fëanor from the late 19th- to early 20th century, this was most _assuredly_ not their purpose. Though the ruins of Himring are particularly well-preserved (see Johnson&Johnson, 2018), in part due to the lasting Song-magic still binding their stones together, the 2nd to early 3rd Age _Damnatio memoriae_ practices of the remaining Eldar have resulted in a marked lack of new material from that location. 

Thankfully I, your local archaeologist, have recently unearthed a fragment from the Library of Tirion describing the Prince’s physical appearance in greater detail. Here is an excerpt of my own translation of the long lost _Lesser Chronicles of Valinor_ , for your perusal, and the artist’s education...

> ' _ **On the High-born Flower of Tirion, Prince Nelyafinwë Maitimo.** _

> [...] but Fëanáro's firstborn son was a being of exceptional beauty, outshining even the lesser of the Maiar; the _astonishingly_ close-set, protruding eyes shone with all the tender light of Aman, nearly merging into one great light; while his dainty, elegantly receding chin formed a perfect balance to the shining, perfectly round wide pearl of his pale forehead, imitating almost the curve of Ulmo’s great waves in profile. 

> Unlike many of the Ñoldóran’s courtiers, Prince Maitimo never needed to pluck his hairline into fashionable retreat, nor did Nature allow him the burden of removing his eyebrows every Thursday with all the other men of the court; for this blessèd Prince of yore was born wholly without these rough bristles to marr the great expanse of his smooth brow. Nor did any tan ever touch the pallid, milk-white of his skin, on which an ever-present sheen of thin sweat resided, reflecting the glow of the mingled Lights in a way most admirable. Had the Moon yet been borne into the firmament, no doubt many a poet would have compared the delightful shape of his face to that silver disk; however, since sweet Nelyafinwë shone before it ever reached those heights, the Moon has often been compared to his face instead, at least among Fëanorian Exiles Returned. 

> As for his bodily form, the lady Fortune blessed him yet again; though tall, his legs were charmingly short, to the point of affecting his gait in a manner most pleasing; his form was such that his steps were ever small and measured, dribbling in a way the most fashionable of our ladies have often tried to imitate in vain. Indeed, so great was the natural charm of Maitimo that even now, the court fails to reach quite the same level of sophistication. His arms were long like hemlock-leaves, reaching even below his knees; and as he swung them in graceful, wide arcs during impassioned oratory all remarked on the charming size of his soft, baby-like hands to which their attention was soon drawn, with their wide, fleshy palms and tiny fingers, pink like those of the rosy-fingered dawn. His smile, too, was reminiscent of that Light that had yet to grace the world for the first time; a bright yellow, like the Sun at high-noon when June is at her loveliest. 

> Even in the bathhouse he ever drew admiration; for his organ was the perfect average in size; the mean of all our grown menfolk, down to the micron; a sure mark of an understanding for the need for moderation in all things, a balanced temper and control over the great passions with which his father’s fiery spirit had imbued his person.’ 

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, since it came up in the comments; this is a joke about the subjectivity of beauty, and how many (some invented, though only the sweating, short legs, long arms and yellow teeth I think) standards have since mostly fallen out of fashion 2. the rather stereotypical modern assumptions about what the Noldor may have considered beautiful often seen in fanart. ‘Fair’ is very vague, you know! I know you’ve seen Sameface White Model Man With Square Jaw And Long Hair at least 200 times, but Tolkien only ever mentions tallness, hair-, and eye-colour for the most part... oh, and Feanor’s slender dexterous fingers. Maybe their ideal for tall people really did include short legs and dainty feet. Enormous foreheads certainly were all the rage during the late Middle Ages/Renaissance.  
> 3\. changed; the last sentences of this fic originally mentioned his 'organ' as being 'the smallest yet seen among our menfolk' -- this was a reference to ancient Greek ideas about penis size size modified to be THE exact most average dick possible, perfect moderation! Which is still a reference to ancient Greek obsessions, while avoiding making the smaller bedicked feel like the butt of a joke aimed at, ahem, a certain aspect of how Maedhros is frequently written. I've noticed some Classical influences in Tolkien, anyway, so why not this one... 4. the range of possibilities of what an fake ancient culture of a different species might consider beautiful and how utterly different that could be from current conventional standards is enormous, and yes, some features _were_ chosen specifically because fanfiction writers usually seem to pick the exact opposite, and some others just to make the Noldorin ideal more alien (the sweating, the looong arms).


End file.
